Disappointment, Fear, Hard Things

I have so many thoughts in my head.  They're not floating around- more like zinging around like a pinball machine on steroids.  

We were supposed to be leaving for Florida today for our annual pilgrimage.  Some of Danny's family is still going, some have opted to stay home.  The day Trump cancelled flights from Europe was the day I knew in my heart we wouldn't be going.  It wasn't until a few days later that we made the official decision to not go.  I was (and still am) so sad.

My tiny little hometown with it's tiny little high school with less than 200 students excelled in basketball this year.  The boys team made it to the Final Four and had a great chance of winning state when the tournament was cancelled.

So many plans changed that are completely out of our control.  So many things that are disappointing, yes, but really don't matter in the grand scheme of things.

So much other heartache going on in the midst of a really chaotic world.  Whether the chaos from COVID-19 is necessary or not, I'm not sure.  Probably not as necessary as what people are doing.  But the heartache for some people continues, quarantine or not.  Death, illness, strained family relationships, you name it.  Those things don't stop just because someone says wash your hands and stay home.  They only become more complicated.

For me personally, my grandma is getting close to meeting Jesus.  While I am so happy for her, it is hard to not be there during this time.  I missed the funeral for my Grandpa Aeschleman, but I was there during all of his last days.  It's a special time for the family.  I had already gotten married and moved to Indiana when my Grandpa Hodel was on his deathbed, but was able to make it back for his last couple days and of course for the visitation and funeral.  Again, a special time for the family.  I just had a chance this afternoon to talk with grandma on FaceTime.  She is so excited to die!  And even though I can say goodbye on the phone, it's hard to not have that special time with the family and the closure that comes with a visitation and funeral.

The coronavirus has officially come to Haiti.  If it's really as bad as some people say it is, it will be devastating to the country.  The virus, yes, but also the ripple effects that come along with it.  The problems will go far beyond a respiratory disease.  And people don't have a lot of access to soap and water, or at least clean water, to wash hands frequently.  Limited healthcare, panicked people who will be afraid to go to market, market vendors who will quit bringing food to the market because they have no customers, desperation increasing.

Today is the first day of everything being shut down, and there is already an influx of people at the gate.  I cannot help them all.  Part of me wants to try to help at least some, part of me just gets annoyed that they are there asking for more and more and more.

Today is the first day I have wrestled with fear over the whole thing.  Between that and several other things going on, the last few days have been highly emotional.  Pregnancy hormones don't help either:)  So it has been a day of music listening, devotion reading, praying, thinking, quoting scripture about fear.... and some tears shed too.

So.  All of the above might make sense, or it might not.  Maybe doing any sort of processing on here wasn't a good idea.  I don't know.  But it's the real deal, I guess.

And so to end things on a little bit lighter note, here's a picture of the kids when they were all super happy and Danny was tickling them all together and I just love it:)

Also, your cultural picture of the post:  We have a mango tree right outside our back porch.  The branches hang over the tin roof that is on the porch.  The mangos are not ripe yet but are getting bigger and fall onto the tin roof.  Which sounds like gunshots.  And they don't necessarily abide by our schedules.  They fall in the middle of the night, just as they fall in the middle of the day.  So Danny hired this kid with a slingshot and a good aim to try and shoot as many as possible out of the tree so they would quit falling and causing us to jump out of our skin every so often!

Thanks for your prayers.  We haven't forgotten that a lot of you have a lot of hard things going on too, and we pray for you as well.