My Next 16 Years...

For all you non country music people out there, that title is reminiscent of Tim McGraw's song about his next 30 years:)  So recently, like just a few weeks ago, I finished reading through my entire blog, start to finish.  I enjoy doing that from time to time because it's just a big scrapbook of my life from 2005 until now.  Now, I realize 2005 was not 16 years ago.  But 2002 was, and 2002 marks the beginning of four different four year segments of my life.

2002-2006

In June of 2002 I moved into my first apartment with two other girls.  We affectionately dubbed it "The Hangout" because shortly before we moved in there was a rumor that someone in that apartment complex had hung himself from the second story balcony.  Classy, I know.  That complex was a little sketchy all around and it wasn't uncommon to come home to cops all over the place.  But we survived and had a lot of good times, and after one year we moved into a duplex where two more girls joined us.  This was a time in my life where all (or most at least) of my friends were still single, and we had the best of times.  It was also before I entered the age of digital and have no pictures on my computer to show for it.  I thought about doing a picture of a picture and putting it on here but I am feeling a little too lazy to do that, so words will have to do.  I did flip through a few old photo albums from that time, and one of the albums has a logo on the front that says "Fabulous People And Places".  And those four years were absolutely filled with just that.  However, life changes so much and so many of the people that made up this time in my life now just live in my memories.  Those four years were FUN and footloose and fancy free.  Then I moved to Alabama.

2006-2010 

When I knew God was calling me to Alabama, oh how I fought it. Tooth and nail.  I was far too busy enjoying the life I had.  It was good and I had no desire to leave it.  I had a serious case of FOMO before FOMO was even a thing. (Fear Of Missing Out).  I feared being forgotten.  I feared being single for the rest of my life.  I just KNEW that Alabama would be a drag.  But the Sprit's prompting was so strong and it won over the flesh, praise God for that!  If you know me at all, you know how much I loved Alabama.  How much it shaped me and grew me into who I am today.  How, even now, I still have days where I dream of living there again someday.  That's not to say there weren't hard times down there.  Lots of homesickness, a few tough relationships that come with being with the same people for basically everything, and almost all of the friends from that first four years getting married.  I remember looking at a big group picture from something and realizing that every person in that picture had gotten married except me.  As much as I loved AL, it wasn't always a bed of roses!  But I worked with some great kids.  And one of the things I loved most about that preschool was how family oriented it was.  I didn't just know the kids, but also their parents, siblings, grandparents, and even a few aunts and uncles.  Some of my weekends were spent going to t-ball games and birthday parties for my kids.  I always had such a longing to have my own children, but since it wasn't in God's plan yet, he gave me those kids.  Those were MY kids and I poured my heart and soul into them.  Not only that, I had some awesome people from church that filled in some of the loneliness of being away from family.  A small church becomes your family.  There were some great stand ins when I didn't have my own!  Also during those four years, God brought a group of friends into my life who would be there for me when I moved back home.  And there was one guy I met while I was down there that eventually would become my hubby but I sure wouldn't have guessed that when I met him!  Just like the first four years, these can be labeled as FUN, but also very stretching and growing.

2010-2014

When I moved back to IL from AL, I cried just as hard as when I first moved down there.  Go figure.  This was actually more of a 3 1/2 year span, but for the sake of continuity, we'll go with an even four:)  This was a time of deepening a lot of relationships.  I hadn't been able to spend a lot of time with my sister-in-law or my oldest niece when I was in Alabama, and this time span really helped solidify those relationships.  I had a lot of good quality time with family and friends, and had the chance to do things I will never again do.  Like spending six weeks in Mexico trying to learn Spanish!  I had some very rich experiences during this time.  It was also a time of a great identity crisis.  When I moved back, I wasn't sure what life would end up looking like.  The things I had originally set out to do weren't really happening, I floated around between a few different jobs, and I was back living with my parents which was something I thought would never happen.  I had so many questions and I just felt like God was silent for a long time.  Eventually the doors did open for me to get started in the OTA program and I finally felt like I had a purpose or goal in mind again.  I was no longer floundering.  I was teaching Sunday School which really gave me a purpose at church, which can be very difficult for an older(ish) single to find.  I had a great group of friends that I spent time with most weekends, but I was old enough and mellow enough that the occasional weekend without plans was okay.  I also learned to really appreciate singleness for what it was.  I still wanted to get married, but I could be single and enjoy that as well, and the thought of living that life long term no longer scared me.  Once again, here is a time frame that was FUN, but with all that time searching things out, it was also the most spiritually deep.

2014-present

The last four years have been full of LOTS of change!  Getting engaged to Danny was an unexpected surprise!  A good surprise though:)  We spent the first six months of our marriage travelling and doing fun things because we knew we were going to try to have kids soon.  That's what he gets for marrying an older woman!  And sure enough, we soon became a family of three, then a family of four, and here we are in the process of becoming a family of five.  I also had another identity crisis.  I moved here and people only knew me as "Danny's wife".  That's not a bad thing to be known as, but I had 31 years of life filled with lots of things besides being the girl who married Danny.  Someone at church, who now is a good friend of mine, sat down once and said she had no idea who I was before I moved here and would I tell her about my life before I came.  I cannot tell you how much that meant to me.  Also, moving somewhere as a single person is different than as a married person.  As a single, I could always go home.  Moving somewhere with your new husband is way more permanent, and it gave me somewhat of a trapped feeling.  That's not to say I haven't loved being married though!  I do love it, and I love Danny and our kids and his family, but the adjustment to IN has been way harder than the adjustment to AL.  That being said, we've had a lot of great times the last four years and so I can still say they have been FUN.  But hard.  Change is hard, period.

Well now that got a little long, eh?  I guess 16 years is a long time and it's hard to make it short!  If you were to ask me which four year segment was my favorite, I'm not sure I could say.  They have all been so different.  All good, but in very different ways.  I'm thinking the next 16 years will likely not be blocked off into four distinct segments.  I know we can't see the future, and I know that changes will come with kids getting older and such.  If you would have told me 16 years ago how life was going to go, I probably would have had big eyes and a few tears thinking woe is me.  I would have never thought that it could be such a good thing.  So looking into the next 16 years, even though I don't know how it will go, I'll just be all cliché and say I'm glad to know the One who does!