Turns Out I'm A Wimp

So, I always have this idea of how if I ever get around to moving out of my parents house I'd like to live alone.  I've lived with quite the array of girls and while for the most part it was great, I'm kinda ready to be done with girls.  I either want to get married or live by myself.  I almost didn't mention the "m" word because I don't want people to thing that a) I hate being single or b) well, I can't remember what b was.  But let's face it.  I'm 28.  Most of my friends have all moved onto the next stage of life.  Another one of the aforementioned roommates just got engaged a few days ago.  Same with most of my cousins.  Now, there are many a benefit of being single and there are times when I love to reap those benefits.  But there are also plenty of times where the battle to lay my desire for that "m" word at the feet of Jesus is much harder than others. 
I didn't really mean to get on that tangent.  I meant to tell you why it turns out I'm a wimp.  My parents are gone this weekend and I have the house to myself.  Let's just say I'm AWFULLY thankful to know that Jesus is staying here too.  I was just a little leery walking in here all by myself with no neighbors around and no dad to make me feel safe.  So that whole living alone thing?  I may want to rethink it.


Since moving back to Illinois I've definitely struggled with who I am and where I fit in.  Shortly after I moved, before reality really sunk in, we had a great sermon at church about finding our identity in Christ.  I call it the identity crisis sermon.  When I heard it, I hadn't really started struggling with all this yet, but I knew that I probably would soon so I tucked it away in my heart to be used for a later date.  Sure enough, I've had to remind myself of that quite a bit here lately.  I also am learning to recognized Satan in this new way that he's been getting to me.  He's been making me think that I'm just kind of in a dumb spot in my life.  Like I said before, I'm 28.  I came from a great job with not a huge income, but enough.  The last eight years of my life I've been on my own, taking care of the different apartments I've lived in, buying all my own groceries and so on and so forth.  Now, I'm living at home, going to school part time, working part time, not making enough to be as independent as I like and trying to remind myself that that's all okay.  But Satan is there, trying to make me feel bad about where I'm at in my life and who I am.  It doesn't help that the gray hairs are coming in at a much more rapid pace than I ever hoped for and the other day I noticed I'm getting fine lines on my
forehead.  I must raise my eyebrows a lot because all the lines are in the same spot as the creases in my forehead when I raise my eyebrows.  Anyway, I have to remember that when I moved back, I took the path that I felt God was leading me towards.  And I have to remember that there's really nothing wrong with where I'm at, it's just different than what I'm used to.


I'm not sure even why I even wrote all that.  Oh!  I remember the b from earlier.  It goes for the second part of the post too.  I don't want people to feel sorry for me.  That's not at all what the goal is here.  Sometimes it's just theraputic to get it all out in "writing".


So anyways, that's what has been going on in my life and heart lately.  Not really a deep valley or anything, but not a mountaintop either.  Just trying to adjust and level out to this new place.  Oh, and another reason I'm a wimp?  It's so cold up here!!!  There's a whole nother adjustment to deal with...